everything always seems to be okay except when you’re home. i went to Delaware for a few days and it was a really nice escape from reality. i saw the sunrise 2 days in a row, enjoyed God’s creation while fishing and just spent time with family. Once I got home, its like a switch goes off and things just change for the worse. I become mildly depressed, argue and just become mad and upset at everything. Delaware was only 3 hours away but it seems like I left life and started another one. I need to restart my life. you would think that going to college does that for you, and it does in a different sense. you escape all that high school drama and make new friends. a clean slate from people not knowing your past. As you go through college you continue to make changes in your life, start to mature and realize that you are in reality and everything you do or say matters. At the time you don’t think about that kind of stuff, but when you look back at it, it does matter. I need another fresh start. I’m going into my last year of college completely different then how i started my first year of college. I made a lot of changes that I didn’t expect and met people that really stuck to my heart. But going back to school in a week and a half isn’t all that exciting anymore. I’m over that stage in life. Going into this last year of college is just going through another motion in the stage of life that I don’t want to be reminded of anymore. I want to start over, but for real this time. Start over more matured, smart and with true people that care. Hearing stories about how my parents were when they were my age and the way that they are now 30 years later, worries me about where I will be when I’m their age. Better yet, what worries me is what I will be like in 5 years when I’m my sisters’ age. I feel the pressure from my sisters and parents, even if they don’t want to admit it. What if I don’t live up to their expectations and I’m the one that ‘ended up like that’. The future scares me, but I want to face it and prove it wrong because right now I’m losing. I’m stuck in this position and I want to push forward. I want to fast forward life and see where I am, what I’m doing. The only person that knows what I am going through is God and even we haven’t been on the same page lately. I’ve been distant from God when at times like these I should be closer. He’s the only one that can help me right now and I need to let him help. So God, please help me go through these changes and show me a sign that things will get better. Thanks. Amen.
4.21.11. one year. one year ago i was a completely different person. I didn’t care about my future. I hung out with the wrong people. I made the wrong decisions. one year ago I met the man of my dreams. It really was love at first sight. I saw him and I knew that he had potential. but back then I didnt think it would be like this. The feeling of missing him two seconds after he walks out the door. The fireworks i feel every time he kisses me. The tingling feeling I get when he whispers something cute in my ear. A year later and I still have those feelings. They will never go away. I look forward to every day that I get to talk to him and spend time with him. He truly is the man of my dreams and words cannot describe it. I cant wait for the future and to see what God has planned for us. I love you.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34
it’s one thing to ask, its another to interrogate. So I don’t want to go somewhere… i just don’t feel the passion and excitement about it. It’s not that I had a bad experience or didn’t think it was great, I simply just don’t want to go. And I don’t need to explain to people why I don’t want to go. People should be respecting your decision and when you ask “why” and I just say “because I don’t want to” that should be a good enough answer.
I’ve practically been pushed away and nobody cared. I care a little bit that nobody cares, but while it was happening I didn’t care. Looking back at it now makes me care. Sure people ask where I was (I guess. I’ve been told) but that person could of contacted me to see where I was. There are plenty of ways that this specific person could of talked to me if he/she really cared.
I lost interest and the passion, but it doesn’t mean I lost my faith. I’ve been reading and dissecting the bible. I listen to worship and watch history shows about the bible. I think people understand that too because nobody has tried to follow up about it or “reel” me back into it.
“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” 1 Corinthians 13:12
6 months. I’ve known him for 6 months. It feels like it’s been a lot longer than that. I still remember the first time we met. The first time he asked me out. The first time we kissed. It’s been the best 6 months of my life. My life turned around so much in ways I didn’t even know it was going to. For a while I thought that I was going to be stuck in this rut for a while and it would take forever to get out of, but within a month or two it was pretty easy to look back at the change that I went through. If I can see the change in myself, I wonder how other people see it. Hopefully it’s a good way.
We’re not an average couple. We’re different. Every couple thinks that but this one is true love. You can believe that it was love at first sight. But when I think about love at first sight, I didn’t think it would turn out to be like this. I think other people can see it within us. One of the best parts about this relationship is that he is accepted by my friends, and I am (or at least I think I am) accepted by his friends.
When I’m with him, the world stops and time speeds up. Time flies when I’m with him. I can never get enough time with him. I still get those butterflies and fireworks. My smile. It never disappears when I am with him. We are “Two hearts that beat as one. Our life has just begun.” [ endless love]
1. my study habits
2. my jealousy
3. sometimes my laugh
4. the people i dated
5. the clubs i was involved in in high school
6. my fashion sense
7. my lack of motivation
8. my self confidence
9. the sports i played ( wish i played more and continued them)
10. (sometimes) the school i went to…. i like rider sometimes though… haha
i was a day behind…
1. the people that are in it.
2. the college i go to
3. believing Jesus died for my sins
4. getting along with my parents
5. my choice of roommate
6. the music i listen to
7. the decisions i have made
8. the drama i caused with my friends
9. the people i had relationships with
10. the friendships i have made
1. i am the youngest child
2. i have a tattoo and a belly button ring
3. i surf
4. i didn’t really understand what it meant to be a christian til sophomore year of college
5. i love my boyfriend
6. i went bamboozle in 07 and 08 and crowd surfed
7.i have a weird laugh
8. im usually happy most of the time
9. i make goofy faces in pictures
10. i listen to all kinds of music
1. ke$ha- tik tok
2. eminem and rihanna- love the way you lie (so over played)
3. miley cyrus- cant be tamed
4. britney spears- womanizer
5. katy perry- i kissed a girl
6. lady gaga- love game
7. owl city- fireflies
8. b.o.b- airplnes
9. black eyed peas- boom boom pow
10. ALL of justin beiber
1. myself
2. justin
3. zach
4. erika
5. katie green
6. my sisters
7. my parents
8. people on youtube
9. sara
10. drunk people
1. i got hit by a lot of noob surfers
2. i went through a mildstone with my boyfriend
3. my relationship with God has grown so much
4. i met a lot of new freshman
5. i realized how much i have grown
6. i got caught trying to steal a decoration from my dining hall
7. i made a cake to look like perry the platypus
8. my roommate came to hawaii with me
9. ….i found out who my true friends are
10. distance makes the heart grow fonder
